18 September 2012
I received the 'poster' on the right from Sue, one
of our regular weekenders shortly after having had
a chit chat with her about the concept that seems
to be taking root in many communities, in many countries
- that of "Local is Lekka!"
It got me thinking. Even here in Napier we have a
vast wealth of talent and expertise in many fields
- and many of us don't even know it. Perhaps it is
time we put together a comprehensive database of 'skills'
available in town - in that way should we need somebody
in a specific field the information would be available
in our very own "Napier Link-Up" We are not talking
about just another directory - this would be free
and it would be local, aimed not at the larger businesses
primarily, but rather at those small, one- man industries
operating from home, those who cannot necessarily
afford to advertise in directories and newspapers,
part time skilled people who are good at what they
do, but can only do it on a part time basis or from
home. By using these local skills, we keep the 'bucks'
circulating around our town, not oiling the economy
elsewhere. The Napier Link-Up would
be a comprehensive database of all available skills
- and would be available to all local residents in
printed form and on-line as part of the Napier Natter
Do you need a local seamstress to make curtains or fix a hem?
How about a handy man to fix the fence, a carpenter who will
not charge the earth to mend a chair, someone to make a blind
for a window, upholster a chair, build a stone wall, make fudge
or a birthday cake for a kids party, plant a tree. All available on the Napier Link-Up!
Should you want to be part of this initiative and be listed on the Napier Link-Up database - or perhaps
know someone who does, - or have a recommendation of someone you think ought to be on the directory -
please e-mail your details and a short description to: Mark at: email@example.com - or just
let me know what you think of the idea!!!!
An old and much beloved friend whom most of the older residents in Napier would be well acquainted with - he's probably been here, up in Jubelium Street, for the last 20 years... Howard Shone.
His soul decided to take flight last Sunday to swathe itself in the gold rimmed days and beautiful moons for which we all search...
(He had been suffering and incapacitated for years with a heart condition)
His Memorial Service will be on 20th September at 3 o clock at the NG church here in Napier. All welcome.
by Frank de Villiers
“If you go down to the library today
You'd better be well prepared,
With books expired
Hearing aids required
Cellphones plus specs advised
Because today is the day
That they all have their say
Down at the library today”
Ha, yes.... it is the Bredasdorp library
that I regularly visit, not only to take out
books, but to get up to speed on the newspapers
and magazines. It is an institution which
has a life of its own, and to which some interesting
characters are drawn when I am there. The
said characters are usually quite a vocal
bunch. Most of them are of a mature age, or,
shall we say, of advanced mature age.
Typically, the general subdued hum of the
normal workings of the library is interrupted
by such a character, who on arrival greets
all and sundry. This is usually done AT THE
TOP OF HIS/HER VOICE, because they are hard
of hearing.....I said, HARD OF HEARING. They
then, inevitably, venture forth towards the
reading table....and to me.
It always seems to be at this juncture that
their cellphone rings. Partial deafness and
slow reaction has the cellphone ringing LOUDLY
for about 10 minutes. If a lady, she has to
search for the thing buried deep in her voluminous
bag, which takes another eight minutes. The
cellphone's ringtone has obviously been set
to urgently summons the fire brigade, police
and ambulance services all at the same time,
and to warn the neighbourhood of an impending
Then ensues THE CONVERSATION......
"Hello Grieta, Ja.....ja-nee, goed dankie.
Hoe gaan dit met jou dogter?.....Ok........
Nee, Pietie voel nie so lekker nie, arme ding.
Hy't gister sy operasie gehad....reg so, dis
sy piles. Nee, dis nie a sight for sore eyes
nie. Ja, ek sal later alles vertel. Maar oppie
oomblik kan hy nie so mooi sit nie."
"En weet jy nog..... Oom Gert, hy rook
so vreeslik, en ons worry so. 'n mens weet
nogal dat die rook van tabak het vele reperkussies,
soos oor en neusvergroting, winderigheid,
stinkasem, tandvleissiektes asook hangtiete,
drilboude, selluliet, boeppense, dubbelkenne,
spasieste kolons en tepel-irritasies."
"Ja, dis reg....en nog meer.........
ingroei-puisies, veelvuldige karkaatjies,
septiese voetvratte, chroniese gietergat,
vrotpootjie, strumpelsiekte, bloeinde omlope,
benoude boude, ryp pitswere, slapgatgeit en
"En nogal, hulle sê dit lei aan
sielkundige afwykings wat insluit angsaanvalle,
paranoia, fieterjasies, ritteltits, Hodginson-sindroom,
en varksige gedagtes, vertraagde reaksies
en vrekkerigheid by bejaarde bestuurders,
massa-histerie en lesbiese neigings by vroulike
Vir die mans, sê hulle, dat die chemikalieë
in sigarette veroorsaak onderbedeeldheid,
kleinmannetjiekompleks, kaalkoppigheid, premature
ejakulasie, en akute slappielpilitus.... Ja,
nee, kan jy dit glo.....!"
As the Oomie sitting opposite me would say,
"Wragtie man! 'n mens hoef nie 'n boek
in hierdie plek te lees nie, Jy kan maar alles
kry by daai ou tannie oppie sellfoon!"
Then one gets those people with assorted
diseases i.e., acute respiratory and lung
diseases like advanced influenza, TB, pneumonia,
and Congo haemorrhagic fever, dengue fever,
etc., who come and sit next to me at the reading
table and suffer loudly. When not talking
on their cellphones, eating or taking their
pills, they cough, sneeze, hack, snork, and
sniffle continuously and wetly all over the
table. One really feels like putting them
out of their misery. One can hold ones breath
for only so long.
That's right, for us young un's, survival
instincts really need to kick in, down there
at the library.
Rosalind Stone says: "accolades to Dave
of Boot Up Computers who worked magic when my hard
drive took early retirement, recovering all the data,
charged a most reasonable fee and delivered my fixed
PC to my home!"
Give credit where it is due, I always say!
With Love and Light - Rosalind Stone
Dietrich Riek says: "Now that You mention
the canola bloom: some years ago we had canola fields
right in front of our house, with the result that
many people close by had bad cases of hayfever, runny
noses and sore eyes as well as sinusitis, requiring
cortisone treatments etc. At the time I consulted
medical advice and learnt amongst other things that
there is a legal limit to the distance of canola to
any settlement, such as Napier, apparently because
of this effect on our health. What do our honorable
health authorities have to say about the matter, I
wonder, seeing that there are large fields of canola
just outside the village?"
All in a name
I came across the following info recently while surfing
What is the origin of the name "Canola"?
The plant originally known in the UK as "Rape
Seed" was genetically modified in Canada to produce
oil with far lower acid levels than the original Rape
Seed oil. It became known by the acronym for "Canada
Oil Low Acid" - Canola.
Later this became the brand name.
Trivial Q & A
(Answers at bottom of page)
- Belongs to the mint family. Romans used this as
an herb and seasoning even before they used pepper.
Synonym for 'tasty'.
- This spice that comes in pods is called 'The Queen
of Spices' in India
- This spice is the ground outer covering of the
- Most widely used culinary herb in the United States.
Not sage, rosemary or thyme
- Often confused with oregano, this herb is sometime
called 'wild oregano'
- It's a key herb in Mediterranean cooking and was
called 'the king of herbs' by the Greeks; key ingredient
of pesto sauce
- This 'tipsy' spice is also known as black sugar
- A common flavoring for many kinds of rye bread;
sounds the same as the name of the narrator of The
- This herb is best known as the ingredient of Bearnaise
sauce; name comes from the Greek for 'dragon' and
it sounds like it too
- Comes from a flowering plant in the crocus family
and it the world's most expensive spice. It is costly
because more than 225,000 stigmas must be hand picked
to produce one pound
Good for a
These are from a book called Disorder in the
American Courts, and are things people actually
said in court, word for word, taken down and
now published by court reporters who had the
torment of staying calm while these exchanges
were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY : When is your birthday?
WITNESS : July 18th.
ATTORNEY : What year?
WITNESS : Every year.
ATTORNEY : What gear were you in at the moment
of the impact?
WITNESS : Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY : This myasthenia gravis, does it
affect your memory at all?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And in what ways does it affect
WITNESS : I forget.
ATTORNEY : You forget? Can you give us an
example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY : How old is your son, the one living
WITNESS : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't
ATTORNEY : How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS : Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY : What was the first thing your
husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS : He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY : And why did that upset you?
WITNESS : My name is Susan.
ATTORNEY : Do you know if your daughter has
ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS : We both do.
ATTORNEY : Voodoo?
WITNESS : We do.
ATTORNEY : You do?
WITNESS : Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY : Now doctor, isn't it true that
when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY : The youngest son, the twenty-one
year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS : Uh, he's twenty-one.
ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture
WITNESS : Would you repeat the question?
ATTORNEY : So the date of conception of the
baby was August 8th?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And what were you doing at that
WITNESS : Uh....
ATTORNEY : She had three children, right?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : How many were boys?
WITNESS : None.
ATTORNEY : Were there any girls?
ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS : By death.
ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?
ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS : He was about medium height and had
ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female?
ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning
pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent
to your attorney?
WITNESS : No, this is how I dress when I go
ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies
have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS : All my autopsies are performed on
ATTORNEY : ALL your responses MUST be oral,
OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS : Oral.
ATTORNEY : Do you recall the time that you
examined the body?
WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30
ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the
WITNESS : No, he was sitting on the table
wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
ATTORNEY : Are you qualified to give a urine
WITNESS : Huh?
ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the
patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on
my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY : But could the patient have still
been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could
have been alive and practicing law.
Trivial Q & A - Answers
- Caraway seed