18 September 2012

Hallo Napier

The Soapbox
I received the 'poster' on the right from Sue, one of our regular weekenders shortly after having had a chit chat with her about the concept that seems to be taking root in many communities, in many countries - that of "Local is Lekka!"

It got me thinking. Even here in Napier we have a vast wealth of talent and expertise in many fields - and many of us don't even know it. Perhaps it is time we put together a comprehensive database of 'skills' available in town - in that way should we need somebody in a specific field the information would be available in our very own "Napier Link-Up" We are not talking about just another directory - this would be free and it would be local, aimed not at the larger businesses primarily, but rather at those small, one- man industries operating from home, those who cannot necessarily afford to advertise in directories and newspapers, part time skilled people who are good at what they do, but can only do it on a part time basis or from home. By using these local skills, we keep the 'bucks' circulating around our town, not oiling the economy elsewhere. The Napier Link-Up would be a comprehensive database of all available skills - and would be available to all local residents in printed form and on-line as part of the Napier Natter initiative.

Do you need a local seamstress to make curtains or fix a hem? How about a handy man to fix the fence, a carpenter who will not charge the earth to mend a chair, someone to make a blind for a window, upholster a chair, build a stone wall, make fudge or a birthday cake for a kids party, plant a tree. All available on the Napier Link-Up!

Should you want to be part of this initiative and be listed on the Napier Link-Up database - or perhaps know someone who does, - or have a recommendation of someone you think ought to be on the directory - please e-mail your details and a short description to: Mark at: info@napier.co.za - or just let me know what you think of the idea!!!!

Goodbye Howard
An old and much beloved friend whom most of the older residents in Napier would be well acquainted with - he's probably been here, up in Jubelium Street, for the last 20 years... Howard Shone.

His soul decided to take flight last Sunday to swathe itself in the gold rimmed days and beautiful moons for which we all search...

(He had been suffering and incapacitated for years with a heart condition)

His Memorial Service will be on 20th September at 3 o clock at the NG church here in Napier. All welcome.

READING MATTERS
by Frank de Villiers
“If you go down to the library today
You'd better be well prepared,
With books expired
Hearing aids required
Cellphones plus specs advised
Because today is the day
That they all have their say
Down at the library today”

Ha, yes.... it is the Bredasdorp library that I regularly visit, not only to take out books, but to get up to speed on the newspapers and magazines. It is an institution which has a life of its own, and to which some interesting characters are drawn when I am there. The said characters are usually quite a vocal bunch. Most of them are of a mature age, or, shall we say, of advanced mature age.

Typically, the general subdued hum of the normal workings of the library is interrupted by such a character, who on arrival greets all and sundry. This is usually done AT THE TOP OF HIS/HER VOICE, because they are hard of hearing.....I said, HARD OF HEARING. They then, inevitably, venture forth towards the reading table....and to me.

It always seems to be at this juncture that their cellphone rings. Partial deafness and slow reaction has the cellphone ringing LOUDLY for about 10 minutes. If a lady, she has to search for the thing buried deep in her voluminous bag, which takes another eight minutes. The cellphone's ringtone has obviously been set to urgently summons the fire brigade, police and ambulance services all at the same time, and to warn the neighbourhood of an impending disaster.

Then ensues THE CONVERSATION......

"Hello Grieta, Ja.....ja-nee, goed dankie. Hoe gaan dit met jou dogter?.....Ok........ Nee, Pietie voel nie so lekker nie, arme ding. Hy't gister sy operasie gehad....reg so, dis sy piles. Nee, dis nie a sight for sore eyes nie. Ja, ek sal later alles vertel. Maar oppie oomblik kan hy nie so mooi sit nie."

"En weet jy nog..... Oom Gert, hy rook so vreeslik, en ons worry so. 'n mens weet nogal dat die rook van tabak het vele reperkussies, soos oor en neusvergroting, winderigheid, stinkasem, tandvleissiektes asook hangtiete, drilboude, selluliet, boeppense, dubbelkenne, spasieste kolons en tepel-irritasies."

"Ja, dis reg....en nog meer......... ingroei-puisies, veelvuldige karkaatjies, septiese voetvratte, chroniese gietergat, vrotpootjie, strumpelsiekte, bloeinde omlope, benoude boude, ryp pitswere, slapgatgeit en familiemoord."

"En nogal, hulle sê dit lei aan sielkundige afwykings wat insluit angsaanvalle, paranoia, fieterjasies, ritteltits, Hodginson-sindroom, en varksige gedagtes, vertraagde reaksies en vrekkerigheid by bejaarde bestuurders, massa-histerie en lesbiese neigings by vroulike digteresse.

Vir die mans, sê hulle, dat die chemikalieë in sigarette veroorsaak onderbedeeldheid, kleinmannetjiekompleks, kaalkoppigheid, premature ejakulasie, en akute slappielpilitus.... Ja, nee, kan jy dit glo.....!"

As the Oomie sitting opposite me would say, "Wragtie man! 'n mens hoef nie 'n boek in hierdie plek te lees nie, Jy kan maar alles kry by daai ou tannie oppie sellfoon!"

Then one gets those people with assorted diseases i.e., acute respiratory and lung diseases like advanced influenza, TB, pneumonia, and Congo haemorrhagic fever, dengue fever, etc., who come and sit next to me at the reading table and suffer loudly. When not talking on their cellphones, eating or taking their pills, they cough, sneeze, hack, snork, and sniffle continuously and wetly all over the table. One really feels like putting them out of their misery. One can hold ones breath for only so long.

That's right, for us young un's, survival instincts really need to kick in, down there at the library.


Readers Views
Rosalind Stone says: "accolades to Dave of Boot Up Computers who worked magic when my hard drive took early retirement, recovering all the data, charged a most reasonable fee and delivered my fixed PC to my home!"
Give credit where it is due, I always say!
With Love and Light - Rosalind Stone

Dietrich Riek says: "Now that You mention the canola bloom: some years ago we had canola fields right in front of our house, with the result that many people close by had bad cases of hayfever, runny noses and sore eyes as well as sinusitis, requiring cortisone treatments etc. At the time I consulted medical advice and learnt amongst other things that there is a legal limit to the distance of canola to any settlement, such as Napier, apparently because of this effect on our health. What do our honorable health authorities have to say about the matter, I wonder, seeing that there are large fields of canola just outside the village?"

All in a name
I came across the following info recently while surfing the internet.
What is the origin of the name "Canola"?
The plant originally known in the UK as "Rape Seed" was genetically modified in Canada to produce oil with far lower acid levels than the original Rape Seed oil. It became known by the acronym for "Canada Oil Low Acid" - Canola. Later this became the brand name.

Trivial Q & A
(Answers at bottom of page)

  1. Belongs to the mint family. Romans used this as an herb and seasoning even before they used pepper. Synonym for 'tasty'.
  2. This spice that comes in pods is called 'The Queen of Spices' in India
  3. This spice is the ground outer covering of the nutmeg seed
  4. Most widely used culinary herb in the United States. Not sage, rosemary or thyme
  5. Often confused with oregano, this herb is sometime called 'wild oregano'
  6. It's a key herb in Mediterranean cooking and was called 'the king of herbs' by the Greeks; key ingredient of pesto sauce
  7. This 'tipsy' spice is also known as black sugar & sweetroot
  8. A common flavoring for many kinds of rye bread; sounds the same as the name of the narrator of The Great Gatsby
  9. This herb is best known as the ingredient of Bearnaise sauce; name comes from the Greek for 'dragon' and it sounds like it too
  10. Comes from a flowering plant in the crocus family and it the world's most expensive spice. It is costly because more than 225,000 stigmas must be hand picked to produce one pound

Good for a laugh

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY : When is your birthday?
WITNESS : July 18th.
ATTORNEY : What year?
WITNESS : Every year.


ATTORNEY : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS : Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


ATTORNEY : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS : I forget.
ATTORNEY : You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


ATTORNEY : How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY : How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS : Forty-five years.


ATTORNEY : What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS : He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY : And why did that upset you?
WITNESS : My name is Susan.


ATTORNEY : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS : We both do.
ATTORNEY : Voodoo?
WITNESS : We do.
ATTORNEY : You do?
WITNESS : Yes, voodoo.


ATTORNEY : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam?


ATTORNEY : The youngest son, the twenty-one year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS : Uh, he's twenty-one.


ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS : Would you repeat the question?


ATTORNEY : So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS : Uh....


ATTORNEY : She had three children, right?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : How many were boys?
WITNESS : None.
ATTORNEY : Were there any girls?


ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS : By death.
ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?


ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female?


ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS : No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


ATTORNEY : ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS : Oral.


ATTORNEY : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!


ATTORNEY : Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS : Huh?


ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY : But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Trivial Q & A - Answers

  1. Savory
  2. Cardamom
  3. Mace
  4. Parsley
  5. Marjoram
  6. Basil
  7. Licorice
  8. Caraway seed
  9. Tarragon
  10. Saffron

A big thank you to all of you who submit contributions.
Until next time

Mark

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